The Flyer

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Dear MP,

As you know the Senate has approved the Bill for, inter alia, the new Child Support 
Formula, which you also recently passed through the House with a clean bill [no pun 
intended] of health. So, in my submission, you are about to be inundated with questions 
from your constituents asking "how will my CSA assessment change?", meaning you will 
want to refer them to a calculator type service. Correct? Well here it is at, albeit I may need to convince you that it is a Politically Correct 

So the smart path IMHO is to stop reading this now, grab the flyer [enclosed], hang it on 
your Notice Board and when the hoards of querists come in the door, just say "there's 
your solution".

Or of course you could just use the "party line" and say "I can't help you, just wait 2 years 
and you will find out", but remember Larry Anthony the Minister for Child Support lost 
his own seat [and Ministry] by "not listening to his constituents". But I may be just a bit 
over your head, so please allow me to explain why you need not fear referring your 
constituents to this politically correct calculator.

A Senator [who will remain nameless] at the Canberra Inquiry in October thought the 
same [ie logically] and expressed a view that the CSA would "probably have" a calculator 
at their web site "shortly" to "help parents manage their child support responsibility" - you 
know the hype! Alas she had totally forgotten that the reason [no pun intended] given by 
Hockey/Brough for the long wait until July 2008 for the new formula was that the I.T. 
Professionals needed 2 years [and $600 million] to provide the new module within 
CUBA, the CSA computer. So the Excuse would look like a big fat porky if the CSA 
itself was to suddenly produce a calculator long before the 2 year period had expired, 
going forward.

So before you could say Paddington Bear we had an action replay of the ALP Night of the 
Long Shredders and next day the Transcript revealed that all mention of the Senator's 
indiscretion had been surgically removed. The Senator was hosed down and allowed to 
resume business as normal as if nothing had happened. Indeed Submission #25 by Mr 
Royal pointed to a truism, perhaps more applicable 70 years later, per:
"What good fortune for governments that the people do not think"
Adolf Hitler 

Therefore, in my submission, the "excuse" remains safely swallowed by the voters.

So while I don't wish to delve into politics, in order for you to be able to use my 
calculator at I might need to explain firstly why it will remain the 
only one, and secondly why it is politically correct.

Essentially all of that means, in my submission, that any calculator to be used by parents 
[privately on the web or at the Family Relationships Centres] must not come from the 
government [or from those already funded by the government like Barry Williams etc, or 
wanting to be like Dads on the Air, etc], for reasons set out hereabove.

And, as hinted, Barry had been asked to address the Senate Inquiry to confirm the 
Excuse, but he got so excited he forgot to take his A.D.D. medication and launched into a 
promo for the upcoming Peak Body Super 4 State of Origin Fixture, and then "did an 
Otto" [A Fish Called Wanda].
As a ‘peak body’ we have a role which is recognised by the government with a 
small amount of funding-for which we are grateful, but it is not huge-which 
allows us to spend some time on evaluating developments and putting forward 
proposals and things of that kind. That function will continue. What was the other 
thing you mentioned?

So a Senator held up an Auto Cue and Barry came good
I have another point. Though other people do not understand this, we understand 
why the government could not bring the combined incomes in this year. That part of 
the legislation is still to be passed, and work on the computer systems and 
everything else in the Child Support Agency, Centrelink and the Australian 
Taxation Office or wherever does take time. The government was quite right. It 
could not rush it through.

Once the Senate had got that out of Barry, they hosed him down, gave him his 
medication and trotted him off the stage. Now Barry heads up the ACT Brumbies at 
Lonely Fathers and, as seen hereabove, in a rare show of "networking" then got on the 
blower to Uncle Buck of the NSW Waratahs team Dads on the Air [DOTA] and Buck 
agreed to remove all traces of the Senator's indiscretion from the DOTA Forum [which 
has Peak Body status forum wise, depending on who you talk to of course].

Unfortunately Lionel, the leader of the Western Force Team [DADS-R-US] just passed 
on to the big Peak Body in the Sky, so no calculator from the West. That leaves Sue Price 
of the Queensland Reds at MRA and her web site has had a "new calculator" under 
construction for well over a year now. I think we can conclude that she can't, or has been 
told not to, make a calculator. So in my submission we can safely say that none of the 
teams in the Super 4 Peak Body State of Origin Fixture will "trouble the scorer" by 
producing a calculator.

Secondly [and you will see I didn't need an Auto Cue], you may well conclude that the 
voters might conclude that as I [as] had produced an All Singing, All 
Dancing Calculator, up and going two weeks after the Parky Report was released, and 
several thousand people have used it since then to fully answer their questions, then why 
should they need to wait two years to get the savings as well as pay $600 million when I 
did it in my "spare time" as a Centrelink Approved Volunteer beavering 80 hours a week 
to achieve access to justice for hundreds of victims of the CSA? [without a Peak Body in 

Your question is both logical and valid, but probably fails to understand the Kafkaesque 
nature of the "I.T. Industry". I studied Engineering for four years and, having passed the 
requisite exams in 1966, the term Professional Engineer was conferred upon me by 
Sydney University. Further, at six years of age, in 1951, I could count to 2,000, and 

Becoming an I.T. Professional [herein "Jock"] means spending four hours to learn all that 
is required, without even a TAFE College and definitely without exams, so the term 
"professional" is self conferred after those 4 hours. Once in practice, one is required to 
"de-learn" certain skills including counting to 2,000.

There were few, in my submission, who were not blown away by Spielberg's depictions 
in Jurassic Park of the "beasties" from the Jurassic Period but, in my submission, there 
was equal brilliance in the depiction of the Jock [and not forgetting of course Spielberg's 
own "blood sucking lawyer"]. 

The detail revealed the same Jock modus operandi that will design the new CSA module, 
the same Jock who fleeced the world of $100 billion with Y2K. We see the Jock, proud 
of converting a simple task into "a million lines" of one dimensional code [with "Y2K 
loose wires" purposely inserted all over the shop] and with the Jock downing a caffeine 
laden soda between every line to keep the hype level at fever pitch as he did all he could 
to steal the genetic technology and sell it to the highest bidder.

So it was a joy that the Jock was eaten by Ronny the Raptor [but unfortunately without 
stopping the Y2K fraud 5 years later] and the blood sucking lawyer was eaten by Tommy 
the T-Rex, but I have digressed for too long. To return to CUBA, the whole of CUBA is 
programmed by the Y2K, one dimensional method of the Jock so, like it or not, the 
"repeal and substitute" [to use the language of the Bill] module for Part 5 of the CSAAct 
must also use that [Jurassic] methodology [pun intended].

Hitler was not wrong, the same Jurassic Y2K method will eventually work [for 
Darwinian reasons] and the people won't complain of the $600 million. After all, the taxi 
driver who takes his passenger 6 times around the same block to increase the fare does 
finally get the passenger to the correct location.

So to reintroduce the topic of this post, going forward, the brilliant 
calculator could not possibly be substituted into the rubbish that is CUBA, built by 
Jocks. An attempt to do so would probably cause the immolation of CUBA and most 
probably a mushroom cloud projection of the whole of the CSA into Cyber Space. And 
while that would be seen as a huge relief for children and taxpayers, you have voted for 
this further extension of the failed CSScheme, rather than simply taking the UK option of 
repealing their own mess.

That leaves the logistics, and firstly I have included a flyer to pin on the Notice Board in 
your electoral office and say to the voter "there is your solution, information is power". 
Or your "girl" [and I think I can use that "sexist" term now Pru has departed as 
Commissioner for Sex] can go to the web site and print off the flyer in whatever size your 
printer desires.

Secondly, after a thousand FREE Reports to a thousand delighted querists I am no longer 
able to keep doing the job of Barry and the Government to inform people of their child 
support options. I have inserted a PayPal module at the site. However my reading of 
Parky's Report [and a lot of voters agree] says that such information would be provided 
at, inter alia, the Family Relationships Centres [see].

But as brilliant as I may be with computing and marketing, I am not understanding the 
opposition by government to my service. This is not my formula, it is yours. And as such 
I would have thought that you would be breaking your necks to use my service to prove 
to the voter that you are a good guy so he doesn't "do a Larry" on you. I can only think 
that you have some guilty idea that this new formula is in fact a con job so you don't want 
people to see their personal scenario. Well as I say that is not what my Reports have said 
to date, in fact the exact opposite. Like you are the good guys, but are being real coy.

You obviously have heaps of money to throw around, even after 18 years of still trying to 
keep the "Bazza is for the Blokes" thing going. Not withstanding Hitler's observation 
regarding people and especially blokes, my "mail" says that the Bazza Myth has reached 
its use by date.

But I am not even saying you need to get Bazza out of the air and back for afternoon tea 
at Parliament House and give him a Costello dichotomy of "Hello Possum, let's swing 
from the rafters, I think we need to divert some of your funding to". 
Obviously you have heaps of money to throw at whatever "works", and I am not looking 
at anything near to what you pay Bazza, simply perhaps to be included in the $600 
million you have given to Relationships Australia/Centacare at the Family Relationships 
Centres [or whatever method you want to put forward, including a "credit voucher" at the 

But even failing any funding from your ample coffers, please at least give the punter an 
even chance to get information by posting the flyer on your notice board.

In fact I would respectfully suggest that Bazza has found his mark as a defacto 
ambassador since his latest junket to the UK to "check out their CSA", even hob-nobbing 
with the Home Secretary
"As I mentioned earlier, that was what Britain did and Britain has lost the whole 
plot now. The Home Secretary threw his hands up in the air and said, ‘We’ve had 
enough. When people break up, they will have to go to court and work out the 
problems themselves"

I would do a Vince Gair and take advantage of his skills [which are regrettably not in 
child support] as a sort of new millennium Sir Les Patterson.

Yours calculatingly, [but in a nice way]